Song of the Day 004 - Electric Youth - Marnie

Helen Marnie is a somewhat obscure artist known for her dark and sombre music with the iconic track The Hunter among others like Hearts On Fire, Wolves and Lost Maps with a slightly macabre held melody in addition to lyrics that cause a downturn in the morale of the listener. However, this kind of music reveals a kind of depression that exposes a more realistic outlook on life rather than the fake happiness found in the majority of pop songs.

[Verse 2]
A girl and a boy, just fun
No conversation, no complications here
Dark corners were made for dirty secrets
Work your way into my psyche
And hurt me
I'm my own worst enemy

[Pre-Chorus]
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now

[Chorus]
When the nights are calling
Animal instinct always
Young blood cursing, violent flames
When the nights are calling
Signals pulse like we're electric youth
When the nights are calling you
[Post-Chorus]
When the nights are calling
When the nights are calling
When the nights are calling you
[Verse 1]
A story of us unfolds
I stand arrested, my education strewn
A girl and a boy, a guilty pleasure
Plain to see that you're taking over me
So, hurt me
I can't even help myself

[Pre-Chorus]
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
[Chorus]
When the nights are calling
Animal instinct always
Young blood cursing, violent flames
When the nights are calling
Signals pulse like we're electric youth
When the nights are calling you

Electric Youth changes the tone a little to something much more upbeat giving the impression to the uncareful listener that what’s being presented is something happy. However, it’s nothing but a façade and even charade of a dark meaning hidden behind excitement. It seemed that Helen wanted to make something lively but couldn’t help herself with morbid lyrics that are unintelligible until they are actually read.

A scene starts with an abandoned building full of graffiti and quite unkempt. Teenagers enter what seems to be a disguised dance room though completely unfurnished except with the shine of a disco ball. Curiosity shows up on their faces as they look around but they quickly get used to their entourage. The camera is pointed to demonstrate the group's impressive dancing talents but what lied behind them is the band.

The song immediately begins reciting the first verse right away revealing Helen’s existential disorientation. Dark lyrics of confusion become obvious but with no recourse to stave the chaos. She begins telling her story.

But that’s not the strongest part of the song, but rather the two climaxes in the chorus. It’s more important to begin with it as it unravels the loop that the song finds itself in. Essentially, it sets the tone for what it is to come and what came before it.

When the nights are calling
Animal instinct always
Young blood cursing, violent flames
When the nights are calling
Signals pulse like we're electric youth
When the nights are calling you

Lyrics start with a response to the call of night, a darkness and predator filled one and then followed by a plea to animal instincts which would help cope with the dim night-time. However, the day doesn’t come soon enough seeking refuge in violent flames, i.e. a camp fire. The reference to young blood is a sign of naivety, unprepared for the challenges that the night brings. As a result, she harks to the past, as a pulse of energy from an ‘electric youth’ where responsibilities were non-existent, wishing for it dearly. The verse ends again with another call to the night, because the first one hasn’t been answered.

Oddly, this is the most energetic part of the song, and the intensely dynamic choreography (performed by Urbaniks Street Skool of Dance) feeds into that energy. As soon as the chorus starts, the intensity of the dance fires up, turning the desolate abandoned building into a fire-filled dance. Perhaps this is how Marnie is trying to seek protection from the night, maybe projected through nightmares. However, that darkness is never seen in the music video. The enthusiasm presented is probably a retreat from the negativity.

We can see Marnie making an effort in order to suit her song to a wider audience, in addition to enliven her song a bit more to a mainstream listener, she picked the generally similar key and tempo found in other popular music. The main key is C# and she doesn’t really deviate much from it and a tempo of about 130 which is essentially the average key and rhythm of what plays in most popular radio channels.

Looking at the score, it is easy to find how strongly influenced is the song by pop music tendencies. The notes in both the accompaniment and bass note reside within the C# key seldom escaping from it. While the melody is quite novel, the percussion sticks to the modern tendencies of pop music with a very simplistic beat.

Chorus (First Half)

Interestingly, it seems that Marnie is trying to give the song an eighties vibe, something comfortable on a record player. While the dance is modern hip-hop style, the synth supporting it all is clearly less progressive. Like many songs of that era, leaving the instrumentation alone reveals that it’s not what builds the melody. Rather, the singing is the base of the melody. This is very common in music from that era as seen here by this example from Michael Jackson’s Beat It.

Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now
Hey now, hey now, boy
I am your water now

The pre-chorus is really simple but the intention is actually quite complex. It shows a submissive side where the performer is allowing themselves into water. We would imagine that humans would melt into quavering jelly, but the liquid has lost so much essence that it has become something drinkable. The previous line invoking a ‘boy’ could be a reference to a love story, the secret but obvious undertone of the video.

Several scenes of the teenagers in a landfill dumpster seem to be running and playing around. This represents some kind of innocence that Marnie wants to bring back into her life but all is thrown out when a girl drops a tire down a hill. This is an attempt to cancel out the choruses which it succeeds but subconsciously showing falling action as a narrative.

There is an expression that is commonly used just before being ‘hey now, hey now’. According to some urban dictionary definitions, the expression is made when someone is approaching to make their presence known. It can be worded in such as way to signal something positive is coming. However, there’s an odd contradiction, these lyrics, being an introduction to the intense dancing also introduces the dark chorus we analyzed earlier. In other songs, this expression is often used in a positive sense only like in Hilary Duff’s What Dreams Are Made Of.

In addition, while the pre-choruses are repeated twice, there is some subtle difference between the two. In the first one, the percussive instruments are almost completely cut-off, leaving only the leading synth instrument with Helen’s voice going down a few notes. In fact, while the music preserves the original key, the notes are so far down that it gives the illusion of a key change, nearly an octave. The melody almost becomes the bass. Now, the second iteration of the pre-chorus has the same attenuation in terms of instruments, clapping is added which gives the impression of humanizing the section a little more. This brings the hope needed to get into the second chorus, which is also what the second climax brings into view again. However, the tension never truly goes away as seen by the lazier dancing done by the group.

The Pre-Chorus

The clapping is a common technique used by video game music when describing more lively levels with a so-called fun aspect or gameplay. An excellent example is Carnival Night Zone Act 1 from the November 1993 prototype of Sonic 3. In this section, you can definitely hear the clapping before this music also goes into its bells-sounding climax.

Now exploring the verses, two of them, shows a slightly more dangerous aspect to Marnie’s idea. They’re essentially a sign of hopelessness, confusion and disorientation. When they play, the dancing scenes are put away revealing mundane scenarios instead. (such as throwing rocks at an empty wine bottle)

The first one, the teenagers haven’t even entered the building yet, laying instead on the wall. At this point, this is where the first verse is reciting, immediately before the instrumentation even starts a few seconds later.

A story of us unfolds
I stand arrested, my education strewn
A girl and a boy, a guilty pleasure
Plain to see that you're taking over me
So, hurt me
I can't even help myself

As Marnie puts it’s clearly, describing a story that unfolds, essentially a narrative for her enema. Arrested with a strewn education, in other words, uncertain knowledge implied by the use of the word education. She ends with a request to be hurt, unable to even help herself. This gives the section a very depressive feel, one where is so pained, they want more.

A girl and a boy, just fun
No conversation, no complications here
Dark corners were made for dirty secrets
Work your way into my psyche
And hurt me
I'm my own worst enemy

The second verse hints at the same meaning but with a slightly clearer undertone. Lost in dark corners where she hides her secrets of depression, work their way into her psyche as she states. This time however, the pain isn’t a request, but rather a result of her secrets. The fear gets to the point where she sees herself as her own enemy, presumably from some kind of trauma or longing for the past.

Both verses reveal a secret love story that Marnie never elaborates on. In both cases referring them to ‘a girl and a boy’. The girl being her, and the boy, presumable the one she mentions in the pre-chorus. There is a sense of innocence, amplified by her line ‘a guilty pleasure’ that isn’t sung anywhere else. However, the music video does show a couple being obviously attracted to each other with the subtle smiles between them and the kiss at the end. One of them inscribes a heart with the letters EYT (probably meaning Electric Youth) on their arm.

There are several scenes of some of the dancers riding old-school bicycles with the footage slowed down. I’m not entirely sure what meaning it serves, but it seems like the slowness represents a sense of hesitation, as if the singer is not really sure what direction to take the song into. However, I’m not certain if that was intentional as the music is very consistent despite going through two climaxes.

One more interesting aspect is how Helen presents herself in the music video, though only three times. Her hair is coloured grey, a sign of age and weakness. While she is desiring to relive her more lively-filled past-self, she can’t escape all the time that passed until she found herself participating in the band.

Finally, the song ends with a post-chorus which just repeats “When the nights are calling you” several times while the song slowly fades out and as the dancing slows down with the entire group on screen. It seems that the line accumulates positivity as the dark night becomes a lively party. I’d say that Helen has managed after several failed attempts of negativity, she finally manages to bring the song out of its hole.

Disappointingly, I don’t think the title of the song, Electric Youth, has much of a deeper sense to it. It just seems that it was put there just because the expression was in the lyrics.

There’s an interesting coincidence that the song title, Electric Youth, is also the name of a Canadian duo that just happens to sing electro-pop songs too. This is very likely to be accidental, in fact, I’m almost sure of it. While the other group does have some darker music at times, there is more positivity in what they compose and produce.

This endeavour of music analysis was probably the most difficult part because I attempted to go deeper than just the general feel of a piece of art. There’s always more ways to imagine a production because it gives a glimpse into the consciousness of the artist. Though this is certainly not a comprehensive analysis as I’ve missed quite a few parts. Feel free to comment with your own views!

Why you shouldn't start a blog

So you want to get onto the blogging train? Thinking what lies ahead is a replacement for your boring office job? We all have strong delusions that easy money is just around the corner as a side gig. However, anything that starts as fun becomes a job when you get onto the treadmill.

My blog started around April 2017, having no idea what to expect. My only real goal was expressing myself and talking about subjects that I’m passionate about. I broke all the rules. First, I didn’t pick a niche that would narrow my topics. Second, I didn’t give a crap about SEO and at the time of starting, I didn’t even know what it entailed. Third, I never put ads, affiliates or sponsorships on my blog. I do have a ‘donate’ button on the side somewhere, but no one has ever clicked it.

I get a decent amount of readers that I want to please and projects that I’m working on. Some of my posts have gone viral I’ll admit and I get a good volume of emails about my blog post topics or projects. I’m making an impact on some people apparently, but I’m not making money. And I don't care.

This blog for me was mostly about expressing my freedom. I bravely talked about elements of my personal life, controversial topics and subjects that no one cared about. I knew that someone might read it, but probably a few people at most. With where I am right now, I’m pretty content with what my website has become. It has become the portfolio that I show off to those who want me to get onboard their team.

Reasons not to blog

Throughout the past few years, I’ve been teaching people how to start and write blogs, what platforms to pick and how to maintain a good writing style and most importantly practice. However, I noticed that people’s intentions seemed inadequate and honestly, unrealistic. I started to collect their ideas and putting the in the worst reasons to start a blog:

Writing for Popularity

I know it’s really tantalizing to become famous and be known in various communities driving recognition for yourself. However, keep in mind you’re competing with millions of blogs, with people who have the same desire for notoriety. Every day, someone pushes the WordPress button thinking that have found a topic so narrow that no one has ever discussed it before. However, unless you’re a university researcher who is used to searching for very particular studies, an average search engine user is probably not going to even find your blog. You might be on page five of Google search results, but do you really think that people will go that far to find your supposed gem?

It is very important to write for your audience no doubt, but getting so specific will turn off many people off because it just doesn’t feel right to read. You’ll be working hard coming up with clickbait titles but it will cause your visitors to bounce back very quickly as the article doesn’t fulfill the promises that your title made. Those so called top ten lists might make for a lot of clicks, but people will skip headline to headline and promptly forgot everything you wrote. Even memorable images won’t stay in their head.

Writing for Search Engines

Search Engine Optimization is a hotly debated subject within the blogging community. The perfect storm of keywords, headers and design choices should make your post be the first one on top of search results. However, it probably won’t and consider how unlikely someone is going to be searching for “motherly tips to deal with pets during the pandemic” rather than “covid symptoms”.

Again, like I said before, write to entice and engage your readers. Keep them in as you get them interested into subjects you’re passionate about. Compose for them because they should be your number one priority. The ‘customer is always right’ philosophy really fits in well here.

Keep in mind that getting people visiting your site is only a small part of the endeavour. You want them to read what you want to say and come back over and over again. Give them a good reason to stay and participate in your discussions.

Think about it, who’s going to read your posts? A robot or a person?

Writing for Money

This is many of my students dream, someone quit their boring white collar job for miraculously making 100k$+ per year income. I’ll admit that I know some people who have done it but they’re very few. As with smartphone apps, clothing products and what not, there’s a huge luck factor and survivorship bias that comes into play.

You’ll likely need to sell more than just your blog to make some acceptable amount of money, assuming it has a good value proposition. These can include things like books, swag and other material that is actually tangible. It takes effort (and money) to get things like this going and it’s a risk anyways.

Things like ads, sponsorships and affiliates will actually end up annoying your readers. Unless you have something as popular as Facebook, no one is going to click on your ads. Keep in mind for things like technical audiences, they likely already have an adblockers that even strips referral URLs.

Passion at Your Pace

If you do things at your own pace, you’ll be avoiding the content treadmill that many prolific content creators suffer from and complain about. You have to be really consistent with your product and constantly produce articles. Your hobby will essentially become a job and you might even miss your previous white collar job.

We all have something to say whether it’s mundane, important or just plain funny. Let your blog be the avenue to self-expression and discuss what’s on your mind. After all, shouldn’t everything be done with passion and love rather rather than regurgitating the same stuff that everyone else is. Perhaps, for me, as it is for many other small blogs, it’s a way to express your freedom and talk to your audience no matter how small it is.

By forgetting all the weak ambitions above, you might find yourself getting what you’ve been dreaming about!

Something to think about and reflect on.

That’s it, I’m coming out. Living with Bipolar Schizoaffective Disorder and Borderline Personality...

This was a really difficult decision to make fearing the stigma behind mental challenges and disorders. Revealing my condition will definitely make me more vulnerable in my personal and professional lives. However, if we want to change the perspective of the general populace giving them more insight. More and more people need to express what it’s like to suffer in silence.

What my inside perceives as the outside. I can hear and see the colours. It’s more pain than annoyance.

Thanks to my friend Mary Moody McLean (gifted copyright 2022) for the illustration.

There’s definitely fear associated with these kinds of problems but for the sufferers, it’s even scarier. Losing control of your mind because of brain chemistry problems and neurological pathways that are going in the wrong direction. We are still in the dark ages of psychiatry, but experimentation and studies have developed therapies that enhance quality of life.

The majority of these conditions are chronic and go in the disability bucket. They affect your functioning and make living very difficult as you have to fight your mind while it tries to control you. The darkness is overwhelming and if you really knew what kind of paining we had, it would change your perspective and reveal the thoughts that make us crazy.

What is really important to understand is that our symptoms are beyond our control and not our fault. It’s not something that can be talked out of someone and telling someone to just smile and be happy is the most insulting thing you can say to us. It doesn’t work like that and having your first diagnosis really feels dehumanizing. Learning that you have something wrong with you isn’t the first step to therapy.

The majority of mental conditions are due to genetics and in some rarer cases environmental factors. One might live with a clear-mind until the genetic switch is turned on, usually between the age of 19 and 24. There’s several genomes that indicate a probability of developing a certain condition.

At one point, you realize that you need help and that’s when you seek the help of practitioners. From psychiatrists, to psychologists, to psychotherapists and counsellors. Learning that you have a broken brain causes often jealousy for those who have a ‘normally’ functioning brain. But, eventually you become mindful of what you have and strive to live with it.

Pills, pills and more pills. Day by day they get harder to swallow. As hard to swallow as my reality.

Thanks to my friend Mary Moody McLean (gifted copyright 2022) for the illustration.

A good variety of chronic conditions are somewhat well understood by most, because they can imagine what it feels like, or even have experienced themselves on a transient basis. Chronic pain, multiple sclerosis and diabetes are examples of diseases that don’t require shyness to expose. A headache for example is something experienced by many thus making it easy to relate.

Unfortunately, there is no way to ‘cure’ most affective or psychotic disorders. Treatment focuses on management of symptoms and developing coping strategies to live with them. Most psychiatric drugs have unknown mechanisms of action and they often don’t get rid of the manifestation of the illness but rather only make it easier to manage. What we take aren’t magic mood boosters or stress reducers but rather attempts to correct deficiencies in the brain. Often, just partially.

My adventure started twelve years ago with misdiagnosis after misdiagnoses being put on many drugs that were ineffective. Personally, I got my ‘final’ diagnosis only 3 years ago. Learning that I was bipolar schizoaffective with a mix of borderline personality sank my heart and even made me feel hopeless. Nevertheless, I finally had words that would tell my story in a couple of minutes rather than two hour consultations.

The symptom constellation that I own are both painful and frustrating. As for many mental conditions, they are often discovered to be prodromes. In other words, often things will get worse over time. My combination of mood swings, emotional instability, hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, psychosis, anxiety, stress, derealization, depersonalization, dissociation. avolition, anhedonia, bipolar depression and mania generate quite a battle that requires insight into each monster. You can’t get rid of them, but only learn to live with them.

I don’t need to explain every symptom I have as a quick peek at Wikipedia will give you a good taste of what these complicated words mean. Becoming an outside expert is challenging because it’s hard to speak the same language as your doctor, but for us sufferers, it’s extremely clear and we can only make sense of it when we talk with others who has similar conditions.

At this point, I’m considered ‘managed’ but not ‘treated’. Remission is too far away and often impossible; we are broken for life. Functioning for some is completely impossible while others have hope of living a somewhat ‘normal’ life. But the pain will never go away no matter how mild or severe you have it.

Dreamed view of my relief. The phantasy of reaching remission. But the coloured pain will never go away.

Thanks to my friend Mary Moody McLean (gifted copyright 2022) for the illustration.

In my case, most of my treatment was done through medication. So heavily medicated I am that I would be considered a living pharmacy with over 30 pills entering my blood. A combination of antipsychotics, anticonvulsants, reuptake inhibitors, benzodiazepines and betablockers. Some are luckier than me taking a much smaller cocktail but pharmacists tell me that only they have seen some with a bigger combination. Unfortunately, the side effects can be really dangerous requiring constant bloodwork and ultrasounds. On those drugs, you really do feel medicated, that brain fog never goes away.

Medication is not enough to manage illnesses for most of the time. I did psychotherapy for several years, and out of my pocket, such as Dialectal Behavioural Therapy, Distress Tolerance and Acceptance-Commitment. Many undergo Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but it was a failure to me and I didn’t respond.

While most people picture imagine us sitting on a sofa telling out life story but it’s much different. The focus is on symptoms and treatments with only very basic questions about personal life such as functioning, work and study. Sometimes you mention brief aspects of your existence such as stressors or other triggers.

The best way I can explain what living with mood and psychotic disorders is like this. For me, it’s like living two lives: one that is daily and outside of my head, and the other dealing with the pain inside our brain. So much energy it is depleting that fatigue is a common symptom among us. With no solution other than life hygiene such as eating properly, exercising and sleeping enough.

Blood drawn from my arms because I have to.

Thanks to my friend Mary Moody McLean (gifted copyright 2022) for the illustration.

In another way, we have the desire to eliminate the second life with any means of desperation. I have taken risks trying recreational drugs that nearly put me on the street. I have several suicide attempts under my belt including self-harm such as cutting my arms leaving permanent scars. The mental pain is so great sometimes that physical pain brings relief and a distraction to what’s going on inside your head.

I want to sympathize with those who suffer from any chronic diseases, you are brave. You are not losers who are crazy or someone with an anger management or temper problems. Our disability-adjusted life years are lifelong. Many of us have chosen to be silent. However, the person sharing your desk might be feeling like this. There’s a one-in-fifty chance that they are keeping quiet from the invisible pain.

TopRoms Torrent Back Up

Looks like we’ve been having quite some downtime with issues for the TopRoms download. Mega has provided to a hassle but torrents as well.

My seedbox provider has accidentally brought down my instance and lost all my data. So I’m currently working on migrating to another provider so the torrent is brought back to life again.

I really apologize for the inconvenience. I’ll also make sure that torrents isn’t the only way to download the collection. Thanks for your understanding.

UPDATE: I’ve moved to another seedbox provider and currently uploading a new torrent. It should be available in a few hours and I’ll provide the updated torrent.

UPDATE: The torrent has been migrated to the new provider. You can download the torrent here or on the TopRoms page. Keep in mind, this is a new torrent, so you need to use this one instead. Again, you can use your torrent client to reuse the same files that you already downloaded. Email me or leave a comment if there are still issues to know what seedbox provider I should sue next!

TopRoms Massive Update (Black Friday Edition)

TopRoms has received a massive expansion with a huge selection of new systems. I spent a good chunk of the past few weeks working on the upgrade of the collection. Over 20 new systems have been added into the collection. There has been more addition to existing systems, including forgotten ROMs for Pokémon games on GBA.

At this point, the collection has compilations for 45 systems. Most of the new systems have smaller sets because their obscurity and small selection of quality games.

Again, as a reminder, TopRoms attempts to go from the most ancient video game systems all the way to PlayStation 1. There’s some more systems I’d like to add but this will take more time and further research. As usual, if you find missing games or suggestions, send them to toproms@cdahmedeh.net

Again, you can find the torrent on the TopRoms page. The older torrents will stay active as long as seeds are available, but I won’t be hosting them myself. Please remember, for the first 24 hours since posting this, the torrent might download slowly and hang a few times.

I originally had a target size for the collection at 128 GB and then 256 GB. However, it is now at 329 GB, so you’ll need external storage, probably a 512 GB SD Card. Unless your cellphone has massive eMMC storage. Remember to use your torrent client to download only the systems you want.

In addition, many CD-based systems have been converted from ISO to CHD for better compatibility with emulators and slightly smaller file size.

Finally, a BIOS file collection was included for running the games through RetroArch for BIOS-based systems. All you need to do is put the files in the ‘systems’ folder.

One thing I’m considering is adding a set for Japan exclusive games and translations.

Starting with TopRoms which is for cartridge-based systems, the following systems have been added:

  • Atari Jaguar

  • Atari Lynx

  • Bandai WonderSwan

  • Bandai WonderSwan Color

  • Coleco ColecoVision

  • Game Park GP32

  • Maganvox Odyssey 2

  • Mattel Intellivision

  • NEC SuperGrafx

  • Nintendo DS

  • Nintendo Famicom Disk System

  • Nintendo Virtual Boy

  • SNK Neo Geo Pocket Color

  • Vectrex

For TopArcade, a new “Legacy” collection was added that includes ROMs for MAME 0.37b5 (or MAME 2000 in RetroArch). That older version of MAME uses much less resources and runs better on low-powered devices such as some lower-end Raspberry Pi

  • Arcade - MAME Legacy

TopIsos has also gotten some love with new systems. These collections take considerable space:

  • 3DO

  • Atari Jaguar CD

  • Sony PlayStation Portable

TopHacks has been expanded slightly for SNES. I’m trying to avoid ‘quality of life’ improvements that only provide minor differences.

  • Super Nintendo Entertainment System Hacks

TopPc is a new collection for PC-based systems or desktop computers. These have been tested the least, still contain a subpar collection of games and need the most configuration for emulators.

  • Commodore Amiga

  • Commodore 64

  • Microsoft MS-DOS

  • Microsoft MSX

  • Microsoft MSX2

TopBios is a new set that contains the BIOS needed to run all the systems above through RetroArch. Simply put them in the ‘systems’ folder.

  • BIOS RetroArch